ITS NOVEMBER 2024 AND IM STILL THINKING ABOUT 2015 IN NEW YORK. 

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ALWAYS THINKING ABOUT DRRTY PHARMS 

THE NYC SOUNDCLOUD RAPPER WHO’S THERAPIST MOM OWNED A TOWNHOUSE ON THE WEST SIDE. 

HE RAPPED ABOUT BEING A PEDOPHILE AND

RAPED TEENAGE GIRLS 247 IN THE 2010’S.

EVERYONE THOUGHT HE WAS BEING EDGY. 

HE WENT TO JAIL FOR SELLING FET LACED HEROIN EVENTUALLY. 

HE WAS ARRESTED ON HIS WAY TO ISRAEL. 

AN “UNDERCOVER COP IN THE TECHNO SCENE” KEPT TABS ON HIM AFTER HIS CUSTOMERS STARTED TO DIE.  THEY FOUND THOUSANDS OF IMAGES OF CHILD PORN ON HIS CELLPHONE WHEN HE WAS DETAINED AT THE AIRPORT.  

HE IS IN PRISON NOW. I THINK HE GOT 14 YEARS.  WE ALL WAIT FOR THE SHITTY MOVIE THEY'LL MAKE ABOUT IT. 

FUCK EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING. 

FUCK THIS EARTH. 

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IM  ON A SPACESHIP TO ANOTHER RADICAL CLICHE

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ITS NOVEMBER 2024 AND I TRANSMIT TO  NEW YORK FROM BERLIN. 

NEW YORKERS KNOW BETWEEN BUSHWICK AND BERLIN THERE IS NO DIRECT FLIGHT AND THERE ARE NO CLOCKS OR COORDINATES. 

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I CANT SPEAK FOR THE BERLINERS BUT THEY ARE SPOILED BY DRUG THEY COMPLAIN THAT THEIR CLEAN SPEED SMELLS AND BURNS. TRY SOME NEW YORK FAKE ASS CHINATOWN KETAMINE. BERLINERS LOVE RULES AND NEED WALKING LESSONS. 

YOU CANT J WALK BECAUSE CARS SPEED UP TO HIT YOU TO PROVE A POINT. IN NEW YORK WE PLAY CHICKEN AND MAKEUP RULES. A FASHION INTERN IN SOHO WITH A BODY BAG OF GARMENT BAGS OF BULLSHIT BAGS OF BULLSHIT CLOTHES IS DEFINITELY MORE AFRAID OF HER BOSS THAN GETTING HIT BY A CAR. 

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ANYWAYS IM STILL JWALKING AND AMERICAN SMILING BACK AT THE GERMAN STARES. 

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I WAS A LITTLE GIRL DREAMING OF MOVING TO NEW YORK CITY WHICH BECAME LIVING AS A RUNAWAY IN NEW YORK WHICH MADE ME A LITTLE GIRL FOREVER ADULT ELOISE NO PLAZA JUST AN OVERDOSE OR TWO MAYBE THREE AND THE CHELSEA HOTEL. 

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IN MY FIRST APARTMENT IN THE EAST 

VILLAGE I HAD A BUTLER. 

IN THOSE CHINA CHALET DAYS I WAS THE BARTARD THAT  WOULD BRING THE PACK OF RAPPERS TO THE PARTY WHO'D STEEL SOMEONES CELL PHONE BUT AT LEAST I DIDN'T GRADUATE PARSONS. 

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THE EAST VILLAGE PLAZA BUTLER  WAS A  MALE MODEL SKATER WHO WAS FAKE POOR AND BABYSAT MY ROOMMATE AND I. A MILLION GUYS HAD MY DOOR CODE. ID FLING MY BUTLER MY CREDIT CARD TO TAKE THE FIVE FLIGHTS OF STAIRS I COULDN'T WOBBLE UP OR DOWN TO BUY MY VODKA . HE USED THE CREDIT CARD TO HACK MY UBER TO GO TO UP AND DOWN THE NIGHTCLUB. 

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A GIRL MADE A ZINE WITH MY PHOTO THAT SAID WHAT GOES UP MUST COME DOWN.

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MY BEST FRIEND WHO WAS IN LOVE WITH ME WROTE SOMETHING LIKE “ I BREAK ALL THE PHONES I TRIED TO KEEP AND THOSE ARE JUST THE ONES I DIDN'T LOOSE”

MY EX WROTE SOMETHING LIKE “ I CAN SEE THE BONES IN HER FACE SHE AN ANOREXIC SHE A DISGRACE” 

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I WAS TO WEAK TO GET OFF DOWNERS I COULDN'T GET OFF THAT FLOOR I WASNT INTO UPPERS AT ALL. 

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THE BUTLER PROBABLY HELPED ME NOT GET RAPED WHILE I WASTED AWAY ON THE SHAG RUG CARPETS FROM L TRAIN VINTAGE THAT WERE OUR ONLY FURNITURE. THE GOOD GUYS WITH MY DOOR CODE PROBABLY HELPED ME NOT GET RAPED WHILE I LAID STRUNG OUT ON MY FIRE BURNED MATTRESS. 

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YEARS LATER WHEN I HAD SOME CLOUT THE CUT NEW YORK MAGAZINE SAID I WANTED TO BE EDDIE SEDWIG. LONG AFTER  I LIT THAT MATTRESS ON  FIRE LIKE A POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL. 

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I WAS OBSESSED WITH EDIE SEDWIG WHEN I WAS IN THE EAST VILLAGE, WHEN THE FRIDGE ROTTED. DEFINITELY NOT A FACTORY SITUATION JUST A FAKE TRAP HOUSE OF TEENAGERS TAKING CARE OF EACHOTHER AND FUCKING EACHOTHER OVER.   THE WALLS WERE COVERED IN GRAFFITI AND SOME OF THE BEST ART AND WORST ART IVE EVER SEEN. WE WERE ALL TEENAGERS IN NEW YORK. THAT IS WHY YOU LET EVERYONE TRAP OUT AND CRASH AND CRASH OUT OF YOUR HOUSE WHEN YOU'RE THE KID WITH THE KEYS. RELYING ON THE KINDNESS OF STRANGERS. WE ALL HAD EACH OTHER AS MUSES.

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YEARS LATER I GET SOME CLOUT AND NEW YORK MAGAZINE THE CUT WHATEVER  STUPID PUBLICATION WROTE THAT EDIE SEWGICK WANNABE ARTICLE BULLSHIT ABOUT ME THEY DON'T KNOW ABOUT THAT FUCKING APARTMENT I BURNED DOWN AND ROTTED OUT OF. 

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NEXT SOMEONE WRITES A SHITTY ARTICLE WITH MY PHOTO THAT GOS VIRAL TITLED VIBE SHIFT THATS ABOMINATION GIBBERISH AND NOTHING TO DO WITH ME OR THE YOUTH WHATSOEVER. 

VIBE SHIFT 

THAT WAS MY VIBE DEATH. 

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FINALLY PEOPLE PUT ME ON THE LIST FOR A SCREENING OF CIAO MANHATTAN BECAUSE I WEAR OUTFITS WITH NO PANTS. WHO MAKES LIST SPOTS FOR A MOVIE THEATER? NEW YORKERS.

THEY LIST ME TO CIAO MANHATTAN SCREENING AT METROGRAPH 

SHE DIED WHILE FILMING THAT FUCKING MOVIE.

LIST ME TO DEATH

AT THE SCREENING I BINGE EAT A GIANT TRAY OF NACHOS TO HONOR HER BULIMIA AND STINK UP THE PLACE. I DONT PUKE IT UP BECAUSE IM NOT GLAMOURIZING FUCKING SHIT IM SICK OF THIS FUCKING SHIT IM SICK OF MY FUCKING BULIMIA 

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YOU SEE A FUR COAT AND MAKEUP AND A PARTY GIRL. I SEE SOMETHING HALFWAY IN THE GUTTER. CRAWLING OUT OF A DRAIN. IM SHAG CARPET SURFING ON THE BOWERY. IM QUICKSANDING IN PILES OF CLOTHES. 

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I ATE NEW YORK  

I BINGED IT 

I BARFED IT UP INTO  TRASHBAGS ON THE CURB AND EVERYONE ATE MY FUCKING VOMIT. I PURGED. 

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NEW YORK IS MY FAVORITE ADDICTION 

I THINK IT EXISTS INSIDE OF ME  TATTOO IT ACROSS MY FACE

I ALREADY HAVE AMERICA ON MY ARM

AND NYFW ON MY KNUCKLES 

NEEDLED INTO MY SKIN FOREVER. 

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