For Hire: Defining Artist of Our Generation

By Kollection



For Hire: Defining Artist of Our Generation

I am looking to hire an artist, but not just any artist. The position entitles filling a major gap in the music industry, having major social influence, and in turn pays very well. I have been looking for the perfect applicant for this position for quite some time now but it seems the necessary qualifications may be too far fetched or perhaps my expectations are too high of the current job market. Regardless, I will not lower my expectations as the weight of the entire industry’s well-being is at hand. If the position, defining artist of our generation sounds something like you or someone you know then please don’t hesitate to reach out.

First and foremost, I am looking for an artist who is very much themself. If we are going to be taking you to the top and you are to represent the distraught youth who have been plagued by screen ubiquity and the commercialization of fandom- you must be yourself. What does this entail? A simultaneous grasp, understanding and love of one’s self and the importance of social media in today’s market. You must reflect yourself on these online platforms EXACTLY as you are in person. A minor slip up could result in an immediate loss of respect from fans and critics- many times this degradation is irreversible. For this reason, if you are applying, please ensure that you have not done anything wrong in your private life- or if you have, then ensure the evidence is destroyed and nobody you know will ever reveal anything for their own profit. Every tweet, vine, Facebook status from middle school, and selfie hosted in the Cloud has the potential to embarass you, destroy you, and will likely lead to an immediate forced resignation from this highly acclaimed position. Furthermore, if fired- there will be no insurance or benefits to protect you. Don’t worry, this qualification is the most intense of the bunch.

Second, and of equal importance- I am looking for an artist who is completely original. I know a tens of thousands of albums are released each year but we’re not looking for someone who fits in. If the term genre-defying applies to you, then you’re headed in the right direction. For example, we encourage you to incorporate electronic elements in your music whilst incorporating live instruments, and if you can bring in an instrument or modulator which has never been used before then that is great. So remember 1. Be yourself. 2. Be different. This points to the fact that we’re looking for someone deserving of the title- a genuine freak of nature exuding nothing but positivity.

Third, it is important that you recognize that the entertainment is not like the government- there is no separation between self, church and state. Religiously speaking, your best bet is to accept all religions simultaneously under a spiritual guise. This has proved to be a formula which works best as affirmed by any of the past greats. Politically speaking, you have to be sure to stand for something but not too much. If you dive too deep and don’t know the facts then- tracing back to the first quality- you appear to be a fraud. If you don’t get your toes wet then you’re materialistic and apathetic which is worse than being a fraud too many. Furthermore, if religion and politics begin to overlap- god forbid you side in the Israel and Palestine debate- then you will represent only half of a generation which isn’t saying much.

Fourth, and lastly, we’re going to need you to be touring just about everywhere but releasing music often- and doing both flawlessly. Recording and performing must be the next best thing to eating and drinking- you have to love both, because that’s what you’ll do. Sleep is important but you can do that in the studio or on the road. Late nights out will be your form of leisure and meals with important people will be your socializing. You will enjoy every minute of it and the fans are said to give you energy. 

If you meet ALL- not some- of these qualities, are selected for hire and your content proves worthy in our month long trial period then success, wealth, and love are yours for the taking.

Artists of all sorts have it very difficult as society was blatantly not structured to support them- SO SUPPORT THEM. Buy a t-shirt, go to a show, and share their content with your friends… it does not go unnoticed.