As the new year rolls into action, I like many Americans find myself in a shutdown of sorts as we find ourselves at the halfway mark for our countries latest season of our Quad-Cumulative (words) reality show we call “The US Presidency”. “Are we having fun yet?” I ask myself. Sometimes, but mostly, no. No no no no, no. Thankfully this season is halfway through, god help us if everyone bands together to decide that they want a sequel. But you know who is having a grand old flag of a time? POTUS #45 (™) Donald Trump. One might wonder how someone with so much power and responsibility holds themselves together, and with such poise I might add. Well it turns out the Ole D Man is NORMAL just like you and me and the kid who keeps showing up to your afterparties, even though they don’t really know anyone,and is kinda shy and quiet so everyone thinks this hypothetical person (who definitely isn’t me) is weird instead of talking to said person, cause maybe you’re also shy and quiet and weird and no one really likes an unfamiliar face at 4am when you’re trying to juggle a cocktail of experiences on an old couch as dawn approaches… anyway yeah President Trump likes music, just like the rest of us! After doing the absolute minimal effort of interweb searching I have found Donald Trump’s top 10 spotify songs of 2018, sing along if you know the words.
Livin’ on a Prayer- Bon Jovi
Honestly, heck yeah Donald! I had to pull myself away from my computer, as I popped this bad boy ballad in because i was this close to head butting my 2012 Macbook in the face like any working class blue collared iron worker deserves to. This song is the song of WINNERS.
Curious though that the chorus goes, Woah, we’re halfway there
Woah, livin’ on a prayer
Take my hand, we’ll make it I swear
Woah, livin’ on a prayer.
Like, is he in a rush to get out of this? Does he know what he’s doing? What does his hand feel like? I don’t know but this song forever kicks ass.
Piss on you-R. Kelly
40 oz of Malt Liquor makes me wanna tell you somethin. We live in strange times. Is it okay for the POTUS to have questionable kinks? Are we not in a area of not shaming kinks? I don’t know anything other than that R. Kelly is a garbage human.
The Prawn Song – Superorganism
This one’s kind of odd, as the only info I could find was a deleted snapchat thread talking about “You know that band the kids like, Super Orgasm, with the song about the shrimp. I love shrimp, you know the one”
Creep – Radiohead
God Donald don’t even try to relate with me! My parents never understood me so what makes you think that you do?! I bet he hasn’t even seen them live. (Kusama Infinity Room only its made of my eyes rolling in the back of my head forever)
I Fought the Law – The Clash
Muller investigation? Guys a loser, Big D wins. #sports
Bye Bye Bye – *NSYNC
Sunflower – Post Malone
Because no one is immune to this wonderful song.
Vitamin C – CAN
“Hey you, you’re losing, you’re losing, you’re losing your Vitamin C (Mind)”
Anything and Everything by Tekashi69
The President just thinks that young Tekashi is a great example of a human being and therefore is his biggest fan.
Good Morning Donald – Donald Trump
Finally the creme de le crap, sources* show that our President likes to start each and every day by standing in front of the mirror while he sings and claps to himself like the world’s biggest overrippened pumpkin baby . The song goes, “Were gonna build the wall, were gonna build the wall, high ho the dairy o were gonna build the wall” The song goes on like that for 10 lines then the president uses a mouthwash of Diet Coke before he goes off to win hearts and minds. I couldn’t make this stuff up if i wanted to.